To Have Lost ([April 6])

I used to pray at night that I wouldn’t
fall in love. To give in to love takes strength.
To reach out to someone’s shoulder requires grace.
And so much has been written about falling in love,
so many movies have been made, that you’d think
more would have been said about what happens
when you have to leave. When relationships end,
fall back, leave wing-prints as they brush
the ground. There will always be a last time.
A last kiss. A last cup of coffee. A last time
you touch their forehead while they are sleeping
and see the smallest of smiles in return. The sunlight
hits the pine trees, slides up the mountain
again and again, and slowly time crumbles,
love does not remain.

I saw all this, only faintly, and was afraid,
because life is not simple, no equation I ever learned
could tell me what to do. In the end there is only
the hope that what you are doing is right,
or will be right some day in the future. I saw this
and did not want to let go. This morning,
I realized that love is nothing that can be stopped,
and even though one day the words will change from
I am loved to I was loved once,
I will still hold my breath on snowy mornings,
I will sit straighter when I travel. The world
still spins, rocketing its way through the universe,
and I know now that it is not love that drives it forward,
but trust, trust and remembering.


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