Automatic Writing #2

Nothing matters as much as this does: you are never alone.  Well, sometimes you are, physically speaking.  But just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it isn’t there.  Think about this: when the Bible says, “Whenever two or more are gathered in my name, there I am also,” it doesn’t say people – it could be trees, or rocks, or birds, or anything at all.

You once asked me about animism and I never gave you a proper answer.  If I walked up to you and started talking about it again, would you remember?  How far back does your memory reach?  And does it matter at all?  

There’s a girl here that I don’t like.  We haven’t interacted at all, but there’s something about her I don’t like.  I tend not to like people who are too beautiful or too confident or too talented.  Is that more common than I think, or am I just an angry, disappointed, bitter little person?  Bitter has its own place in the spectrum of tastes.  Kind of like the stranger types of cheese that I have no taste for.  I like Brie and cheddar.  Bring me a grilled cheese and peanut butter sandwich and leave the Limburger in the fridge.  I am American all the way.  

I almost typed “I am America” but stopped myself, which is probably bad.  Who’s to say I’m not America?  I overreach myself a lot.  I am no one ethnicity.  I am not pretty but I am well fed.  I have heft and substance.  If you threw me I would probably do some damage.  If you weighed my soul against a feather my soul would sink the scale.  I don’t know anyone who is lighter than a feather.  I do know people with wings.  I can see their wings against the proper background, white wings, golden ones, each feather etched as if out of copper or gold.  

Here I stop to eat an apple.  Glycolysis has ten steps and the Krebs cycle has eight.  If I can memorize them I’m golden.  Here is gold again, here are three different types of sugar, here is a lipoamide arm with two sulfurs attached by a strong bond.  Here is a protein folding against the demanding water.  Drop a protein into solution and it will fold itself.  Proteins are dynamically stable.  They never stay in one conformation for long.  They are always breaking down and building up again.  

It takes a lot of energy to sleep because as you sleep little molecules and chemicals in your body are patching up all the damage you did to yourself during the day.  Sometimes they do a good job.  Sometimes they don’t.  Through it all you are asleep, dreaming about what you’d do if you found yourself on a beach with your dream girl and/or guy, who’s to say?  Who’s to say you can’t have both?  It’s a dream, after all.  I don’t like dreams, mine never turn out like I expect them to.  

I button my coat against the wind and turn to the sound of your voice, the sound I try so hard to remember.  I never did ask you for help with polar coordinates so many years ago.  Their intricacies escape me.  I am surrounded by shells and driftwood.  I am in a box on a shelf in the Victorian era.  I am drowning in notifications, and you, dear other, are flying over the ocean, touching the waves with the top of your foot, skimming past dolphins (the bastards) and sea turtles, over algae and time zones.  You are coming home.